Category Archives: Wisdom

Breaking Shells

I just learned something new from Polynesian mythology! It is actually through the Philosopher and Poet Mark Nepo in his Book of Awakening. Apparently the Polynesians believe that the world began when their creator, “Taaora” woke to find himself growing in a shell. When he stretched, he broke the shell and that is how Earth was formed. Who knew, but he kept growing and found himself in another shell and stretched and broke that one, creating the moon. This went on until all kinds of cool things we know and love were created. He goes on to piece together for us that,
“…we each grow in this life by breaking successive shells, that the piece of God within each of us stretches until there’s no room to be, and then the world as we know it must be broken so that we can be born anew. In this way, life becomes a living of who we are until that form of self can no longer hold us, and, like Taaora in his shell, we must break the forms that contain us in order to birth our way into the next self. This is how we shed our many ways of seeing the world, not that any are false, but that each serves its purpose for a time until we grow and they no longer serve us.”

Synchronicity is a beautiful thing and I’m inspired by this quote today because just two days ago with my coach/goddess we discovered a long-standing belief that resided in my body (and truly, whether it is from another life time or an earlier time in this life closer to my birth it really doesn’t matter so much as the depth of the “shell” that was created). The belief had to do with that my body couldn’t contain all of my beingness and so I often shut it down, more unconsciously than not. My soul didn’t believe it could be contained in my body. Over and over and over again in various aspects of my life, more recently in the area of making a contribution to the world with my gifts, I would face paralysis at the thought of “daring” to move forward even a little bit! I ran around the planet dissing others who live from a place of “all or nothing” and touting that such and existence is nothing short of a life-sucking quagmire of disengagement. Not that I had any strong opinion of that, yet there I was, hiding behind my own mask of delusion around “Dear God if I let THIS out, if I even eek a piece of it the whole world is going to run for the hills.!” So much fiction. So much false humility. So little data. And notice, so much fear. What I notice now, through the piercing truths that my loving coach/goddess spoke of and Mr. Nepo also pens, is that without judgment (a critical component) I have the opportunity to be aware that I can break this shell around me for it has served its purpose (my guess is that once again the purpose was in some form a perceived protection) and I have a new beginning to create. I love the no harm, no foul aspect of this, the freshness of that spiritual warrior sense of start where you are. I laugh also at the notion that there really is no time or need for me to run for the glue to put the old shell back together!!! This is a new, vibrant place of present moment awareness that provides me with immense possibilities for creating my next beautiful shell!

Tired of Hardship?

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Bless my client today. With sheer ease he just let the word fly off his lips like it was a real word: “soft ships”. Brilliant. The inquiry for the day was, “What is a pattern interrupt that you can introduce into your life right now?” To kick start the conversation, I threw in the example that I was going to do a pattern interrupt around being hard on myself. That when I catch myself making something harder or being harsh, critical or judgmental in the vast expanse of my over-functioning head (See? I snuck one in RIGHT THERE!!! This stuff is relentless….so yay for pattern interupt!!!), that I need to stop, drop and roll into my heart space and see what is really going on. I make up that this is part of my spiritual warrior training. I do not make up, because the evidence is clear, that this is a long-standing behavior. Once brought into my consciousness as a mechanism to protect me (if I am hard on myself, I’ll do something good, better or best and then I will be accepted and loved and maybe even sought after), after years of Chinese water-torture, it becomes not just dysfunctional but sheer betrayal. Pattern interrupt offers us the opportunity to move toward life affirming behaviors and ways of being. It brings us closer to self honoring and self love which, when you think about it, is pretty much where all of our therapeutic, coaching, mindfulness, meditation, yoga, rock-worshiping, tantra, counseling efforts are attempting to get us. Big secret, right? Yeah, no. After sharing his insights on his observations about my obsession with this behavior I already copped to, and, encouraging me in all kinds of ways to cease it immediately….he said something like “You need to change your hardships into softships.” To which I replied “I’m done giving my example here, it’s your turn!” (Good grief, clients coaching their coaches? Heresy!). So his pattern interrupt was that he was going to proactively take on the air quality issues with governmental agencies in our area. Sweet. I want to get back to the soft ships.

Let’s just make stuff up about what soft ships are. I make up that soft ships are instances where things move around smoothly and easily. They are times when the energy in the field is full of allowing and devoid of resistance. A time worthy of comments by loved ones, like this: “She’s been relaxing into her new role as a single parent and seamlessly goes from work to home and curling up with her journal as if it were all in one breath. I think she’s going through a soft ship right now.” Will people use this? Will people want to comment on others who are not struggling or having a hard time? What will people do if soft ship is an option? How wild would it be to say to someone, “I”m really going through a soft ship right now and I’d love your support while I go through it. I need loved here too”? I like it. I’m going to go set myself a big fat intention around generating a soft ship. I love my clients, they bring me new material every day! What is your take on what soft ship could be?

Living with Paradox: Detachment and Connection

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It is amazingly paradoxical that in a world exhibiting the need for connection more than ever, having the capacity to invoke healthy detachment can bring us freedom. Go figure.

A friend of mine had a situation where she had accidentally broken the microwave that came with her apartment. She contacted the manager about it and asked him what needed to be done. The manager immediately responded that she broke it and she needed to replace it. My friend decided that she wanted to express to the manager that she would like to split the cost for the replacement (and as she tells the story, because she needed to keep her expenses down and that is what she was willing to do). The manager went out and bought a new microwave, installed it and decided in the end not to charge her. My friend profusely thanked him for his gesture of moving toward her interest in this situation (though she did not use all those words). She mentioned that in the past she would not have spoken up or suggested any alternative and would have just paid for the microwave. What she noticed was that she didn’t make the situation a personal one but rather detached from “right or wrong” or entitled or not entitled, and leaned into articulating what she needed. I’m guessing that her approach was kind and neutral of any energetic charge (like “gotcha” or “you owe me!”) and that this afforded the manager a shift in perspective such that he was not put in a position of being on the defensive but being enrolled to share a solution to a problem. In the end, it became a service and gesture of good will and he became willing to take on the situation and provide for his renter’s need.

To the point, detachment offered my friend the clarity to proceed with what is usually a “charged” situation. She plainly stated what she was willing to do and what her interest was and provided the manager with another alternative and perspective for his consideration. That detachment may have been contagious! Who knows? I loved witnessing her here and what is exciting is how we all can learn to look for places where we can detach (and more often than not, from an outcome that we must have or else) and end up getting a need met. It sounds so insanely simple, and yet I can confess heartily to how this is still not an auto response for me. I’m noticing that now I want to experience that ease and experiment with detaching from a situation that might otherwise bring me discomfort or ill ease. I also love the opportunity to continue to build my “ask for what you need” muscle. In terms of the link to connection, we can still have and be in connection with people AND hold situations from a place of detachment. I’ve been keeping my eyes peeled out in the world for “super powers,” those skills and capacities that I believe really catapult us into our more integrated lives, and I definitely put this one in the “super power” category. I’m also excited to find more examples of where we can live with paradox rather than fighting it, so in this case I’m learning that you can be connected and detached at the same time—and that is not science fiction!!!!!

A Little Vastness Will Do Ya

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If there is such a thing, I am a junkie for inspiration. I look for it in the obvious places, such as books by favorite authors, talks by favorite or recommended speakers, TedX talks, etc. At other times I look for it in rich conversations with friends or family. I love when I find it in those moments when I look at my son or daughter and I get that all that matters is that moment, that look, that feeling right then. I look for it in nature when I treat myself to a nice big dose of beach walking, mountain hiking or listening to “a tree fall in the woods.” Inspiration is contagious and I constantly pray to inspire one more person on the planet each day I get to breathe. I’ve even been so enthralled with inspiration that I’ve eluded my sense of practicality and shaken my fist at God and said “Can’t I just inspire people? Can’t that be my work? Do I really, in essence, have to ask people to pay me to inspire them? Can’t I just do it and won’t you just make the rest happen?” Apparently the answer is yes and I am the last to know, because somehow I am in front of a keyboard with a sufficient layer of adipose, a mini-van, a nice rental home, children I adore and this keyboard, by the way! Something is happening and I’m guessing it will behoove me to take note of it in case anyone asks how it happens that I can do what I love, pass go and collect, well, enough to keep this keyboard.

Which is not exactly what I wanted to say here today. There is a link, and that link is that I was inspired by Pema Chodron today. In her book, Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears, she talks about how learning to be in the present moment and especially in the moments of discomfort, “…is a work in progress, a process of uncovering our natural openness, uncovering our natural intelligence and warmth.” I loved hearing that we have a natural openness, intelligence and warmth. Not artificial, natural. She continues, “I have discovered…that we already have what we need. The wisdom, the strength, the confidence, the awakened heart and mind are always accessible, here, now, always. We are just uncovering them.”

And here’s more good news: “We’re not inventing them or importing them from somewhere else. They’re here. That’s why when we feel caught in the darkness, suddenly the clouds can part. Out of nowhere we cheer up or relax or experience the vastness of our minds. No one else gives this to you. People will support you and help you with teachings and practices…but you yourself experience your unlimited potential.” Please, sir, may I have some more?

I can lose sight of these truths. I often forget, and witness others doing the same, my natural capacities and create stories about how I must be instead of looking at the truth of who I in fact am. I forget about that access I have to my natural heart and wisdom and again, go about the business of making other un-truths up about who I am or need to be or how I need to act or show up. My natural state of being beckons me. Probably every moment. The invitation is there for me, and inviting it is: Jen, cheer up, relax and experience the natural vastness of your mind/body/spirit! Piece of cake.